Gossip Girl Review: Happy Valentine’s Day!!!!

Have you all noticed that pretty much every show has done a Valentine’s Day theme over the last two to three weeks? I suspect that there is some kind of conspiracy going on. That or Hershey, Mars, and Hallmark somehow have ties to TV shows. Wait, that would be the conspiracy… Hmm…

Okay now on to what you are really here for… The review of last night’s Gossip Girl. I am splitting this review into two different sections, a Dair-ful review and a Dair-free review, cause I’m nice. Also keep in mind, I’ve only watched the episode once.

Unlike many of the other Dair-fans I fell asleep right after the episode because I was suffering from severe insomnia. Anyway on to the review (Note: the spilt is further down)

So… When we last saw our favorite UES’ers they were all kind of mopey. And rightfully so. Blair had been swept away by a prince that does not love her. Chuckles, well is he ever happy, but he is not with Blair so he is extra unhappy. Serena just got her heart ripped out, even though Dan told her in 5×10 that he was in love with Blair. Dan had to watch Blair go away and still had not manned up and told her how he feels. And lastly, and leastly (my own made up word) Nate couldn’t get a cater waiter to go on a date with him. Oh how far you have fallen Nate-y, how far.

Since when did Chuck and Serena become BFF’s? I’m so confused. I don’t understand this at all. Did I miss something? Oh well I guess that doesn’t matter because they are both sulking over the fact that they cannot be with their loved one over the holiday. And then someone one has the nerve to bump into Chuck Bass! OMG, off with his head (and I’m not talking about the one that you can see) Hey, when did my review’s become rated M? Weird.

Blair is back from her honeymoon. Apparently it was such a fail that Louis went home to Monaco without her. Oh but Blair brought back a present, a human present. She got a royal minder. Fun! Again, what century are we living in? Oh right, the one where you get to have your woman followed around so she doesn’t do anything stupid century. Really Louis, that is just so lame. That’s okay at least B still has her BFF Serena right? Guess not, S is still PO’ed that Blair almost ran off with Dan.

And to add salt to that open wound here comes Dan with a collection of movies for him and Blair to watch together. This after Rufus told Dan to give it up regarding Blair. Very sound advice from Rufus puppy, cause hanging around a married woman, kinda tacky. And this coming from someone who’s brother knocked up another girl before his divorce was finalized (yes, that is my actual life). Anyway take heart, Blair has enough sense for the both of them and can’t watch movies together with Dan but only cause she has to go make a royal appearance at some other event. Of course he might not have known about the royal minder. Can I just pose this question, how did Dan know that Blair was back in town? She just got back, and we did not here a Gossip Girl tweet about it. Go ahead and spec away.

Nate, oh Nate, really, trying to ask a girl out on Valetine’s Day whom you basically had to stalk to get her number? That just brings your level of creepiness to an all time high. Seriously honey, move on. I am sure there are plenty of other girls out there in the UES that would love to go on a date with you who wouldn’t hang up on you after pointing out that they are a cater waiter and are working. Or whom have not blackballed by telling their boss that they don’t want to work any of your events. That’s right, cause if not giving you her number isn’t enough of a sign, Lola, aka the real Charlie, told her boss that she does not want to work any events for Nate. Seriously buddy, MOVE ON!!!!

That’s okay though, because reformed Chuckles has decided that since he can’t be with the one he loves then he will at least try to get Nate (laid) a date for this overly commercialized holiday (fyi, I love Valentine’s day, it means the next day there will be half off candy :D). So they are going to have the party at Chuck’s place. Even though Chuck has some other party that he has to go to that is downstairs. No, I don’t remember what party that he has to go to.

At this point I would like to interject another spec topic: I feel like Chuck did not really have a lot to do this episode other than be a prop for Nate’s party. Maybe that is just me but Chuckles is kind of boring when he isn’t trying to destroy someone’s life. It is probably just me.

Back to Blair. She has decided that even though she cannot be happy she is going to make Dan and Serena happy, not realizing that Dan actually loves her because he has not told her. So she and Dorota go about scheming a lunch date for Dan and Serena. The lunch date actually goes kind of well. But it really is more of a friend date. However, they realize that someone has set them up and Serena knows who did, uh oh Blair. It turns out that she even paid people to talk to them. Wow! That is intense. Blair is a way better friend BFF than Serena, just saying.

Oh yeah, Georgina is back in this episode too. She is trying to cause trouble. I am sorry, but I just do not like her. Georgina was kind of funny back in season 1, less so in season 2, and things have just gone downhill from here. Personally, I think Chuck makes a better villain than Georgina but go ahead writers, try to convince me otherwise. Right now she is just downright disturbing. Yes, we all know that she just married for money, but her husband knows it too? Husband person, please, just divorce her, and take away that kid cause he is gonna be really messed up if you don’t. Anyway, Georgina is responsible for getting Blair, Dan, and Serena to Nate’s party so that more drama can ensue.

Chuck and Blair run into each other as Blair comes into the party with the minder and Serena in tow. They have an awkward moment and the minder is like, don’t you think it’s a bad idea to be in your ex’s loft. Blair tells her they will only be there for a minute. A minute in Blair’s world is like 20 in our world, just saying.

Anyway, before they can go on Blair’s mission of putting Serena and Dan together Serena sees Charlie, aka Ivy. And Serena is sidelined and talks to her fake cousin. FYI, Ivy showed up early and was hanging with Poppa Puppy but was unable to complete her mission of talking to the Flower (Lily) so now she is at the Empire to try to track down the Flower cause she has some important Flower talk that must happen tonight (contrived much?). So Blair lets the two of them chat and she goes to find Dan so she can bring Dan and Serena together.

And this is where we are going to split the reviews….

GG – the non-dair shipper review (this does not mean Chair, it just means much less fan-girling)

GG – the Dair-ing review (cause I’m so freaking corny)

For our non Dair-shippers, I’m sorry but you kind of cannot talk about the rest of the episode without having a little Dair in there but I will try to keep it as pain free as possible.

So Blair finds Dan and gives him some fashion advice and tells him to go make his move, she is talking about Serena though. Dan keeps getting texts from someone, who turns out to be Gossip Girl. And our boy genius figures out who is Gossip Girl because (duh duh dun) Gerogie is sitting on the other side of the door with her phone that keeps beeping every time he sends her a text. Oh but wait, she tells him that she just works for Gossip Girl and the boy genius falls of it (this is the same guy who wanted to go to Yale, just saying). Georgie threatens to send the video, Dan says he will tell everyone she works for GG, and they try to have a good old face off.

While he is confronting her in walks Blair. Georgie makes a swift exit because that’s just what she does. Then Blair kind of lays into Dan because she is there working her butt of trying to get him to have his moment with Serena but he is busy trying to track down Gossip Girl. Doesn’t he want to be happy? He does, just not with Serena. And then Dan, after apparently ditching any notion of respecting the vows of marriage, kisses Blair.

Meanwhile, Ivy is spotted by Charlie and this gives Serena a chance to go catch Blair and Dan making out. Now we have that awkward moment when you are at a party pretending to someone who just happens to be doing the catering because she is pretending to be someone else. I cannot even begin to emphasis how freaking contrived this is and how we all knew, on some level, that this was going to happen. Especially because Lola (Charlie) is actually in New York when she is really suppose to be in Michigan. Oh and look here comes Nate to talk to them both, and conveniently out the fact that Ivy is pretending to be Charlie. All this while Serena and Georgie also get lucky enough to see Dan and Blair kiss. Oh and Georgie even made it a Kodak moment.

Poor Chuck, he is downstairs moping at the other party, which luckily is happening at the same location as Nate’s. Alessandra (whom, for those of you do not remember is Dan’s publicist) hits on him. WTF! I am sorry but I cannot wait to see how the GG writers are going to justify this later on. Anyway he turns down Alessandra because he is reformed. Aww, yay, new Chuckles. But wait!

Dan has convinced Georgie not to post the picture that she took on Gossip Girl. So instead of posting the picture she finds Chuck and shows it to him. Aww Chuckles, don’t be sad. You can still have meaningless sex with Dan’s publicist. Hey, I’m all for meaningless sex so long as it is good and happens in a nice hotel room (again when did this become rated M?). Personally Chuck, if you really loved Blair then you would called her and demanded some kind of explanation, or gone to Dan and be like; look broham, you can’t go doing this cause then our girl will end up in the poor house. Instead you sleep with another woman, classy.

Charlie (Ivy) has gone back to the Hamptons and finds out that “she” does not have that much longer from an in house nurse. We are going to assume that the “she” is Cece. Since I’m trying to keep this spoiler and spec free I will say nothing else about this little weirdly inserted scene. Only that the real Charlie has friended her alter ego on Facebook. Duh duh dun!!!

And that is pretty much how our episode ends. Blair is off to make her first royal appearance with her minder. Chuck is in bed with another woman. Nate and Serena both still can’t get (laid) a date. Dan finally admitted that he loves Blair to Blair, but knows she can’t be with anyone cause her family would end up bankrupt. While there were moments of this episode I loved I still have to give it a B+ because well there was so much contrived story telling going on. However, I am giving it a plus because it is Gossip Girl and I really don’t expect much from the Gossip Girl writers.

Episode Rating: B+ (scaled cause it’s GG and I don’t expect much from the writers)

Here is a jump tag so you can skip forward to leaving me your feedback (PLEASE LEAVE FEEDBACK HERE)

Okay before we get into the Dair parts let’s just get some the other stuff out of the way…

Ivy is spotted by Charlie, after Serena has left. Only now we have that awkward moment when you are at a party pretending to someone who just happens to be doing the catering because she is pretending to be someone else. I cannot even begin to emphasis how freaking contrived this is and how we all knew, on some level, that this was going to happen. Especially because Lola (Charlie) is actually in New York when she is really suppose to be in Michigan. Oh and look here comes Nate to talk to them both, and conveniently out the fact that Ivy is pretending to be Charlie.

Poor Chuckles, he is downstairs moping at the other party, which luckily is happening at the same location as Nate’s. Alessandra (whom, for those of you do not remember is Dan’s publicist) hits on him. WTF! I am sorry but I cannot wait to see how the GG writers are going to justify this later on. Anyway he turns down Alessandra because he is reformed. Aww, yay, new Chuckles.

While all of this contrived and convenient story telling is going on we also have some very exciting, but also slightly contrived (at least location wise), action happening. So Blair is bored listening to Serena and Ivy have their family reunion and goes off to find Dan. She tells Dan that all he needs to do is loose the tie (and takes it off for him, gah) and just be his wondairful self. Dan is all slightly shocked, although he really shouldn’t be, and asks Blair if she really thinks that he is wondairful. Of course she does, cause he has been there for her through everything. Now, go get that Serena! Dan does leave but it’s not for Serena.

He has been getting texts from Gossip Girl, and by chance while he is getting the texts he is walking by Chuckle’s bedroom, where he hears the chimes of text message received. Being the boy genius that he is he walks in and goes, ah ha Georgie you are Gossip Girl! Georgie tells him that she just works for Gossip Girl and he believes her, so much for our boy genius. She tells him that he does not comply with her text demands she will tell everyone that he was the one that sent the video. He tells her that if she does that he will tell everyone that she works for Gossip Girl. They are seemingly at a standstill and then in walks Blair. Georgie makes her exit because the writers need a good way to get rid of her (there might have been an actual reason but I really don’t remember).

Blair is sad because Dan is not cooperating with her wish to set him up with Serena. She is wondering why he is hanging out with Georgie when he could be with Serena. Blair wants Dan to be happy, what would make him happy (and do you not just love how sincere and innocent her face looks when she is saying this). So Dan moves in for the kill and kisses Blair. Meanwhile Dair fans around the world are all simultaneously dying, yes we knew this would happen but could you ever really be ready for this. And just when you think the kiss will go on forever, because yes, Blair is totally kissing him back, in walks Georgie and Serena (all the dair fans now want to kill them both; hahahha, my evil plan for the death of Serena and Georgina is working!!!!)

The two are still kissing until they hear the snap from Georgie’s camera phone. Dan runs after Georgie because he is a good guy and does not want her posting that picture. Serena is so PO’ed because she thinks that Blair did this on purpose. Can someone please slap her? Blair has always been a way better friend to Serena, and now S thinks that B tried to set this whole thing up, even though she knows that B cannot leave Louis because of the financial devastation it would cause her family. I call BS on you Serena, BS (hehehehe, come on, you knew I had to do that, cause they call each other B and S, you know you were thinking it too..)

Really Serena, you are just mad because now Dan will get to be with the woman that he loves, that he he told you he loved months ago (cause of the time jump) and that woman is not you. Sorry you do not always get what you want Serena. That is just the way that life works.

Dan is ignoring Serena (cause he is still a smart cookie) and has caught up with Georgie. He tells her that if she posts that picture he will tell everyone that she is working for Gossip Girl. Georige tells him that she is Gossip Girl (um, Duh!). So then Dan threatens to out her as Gossip Girl if she posts the picture. See Georgie, you will never be a good Gossip Girl, the really Gossip Girl would not have ever been tied to the taking of the picture. So Georgie leaves, but not before telling Dan about the prenup that Blair had been forced to sign. Again, something that the real GG would have posted about rather than just tell one measly little person.

So since Georgie cannot post the picture she shows it to Chuck, cause that is the next best thing. Sad Chuckles 🙁 but not that sad because he still has meaningless sex with Alessandra. Hey, I’m all for meaningless sex so long as it is good and happens in a nice hotel room (again when did this become rated M?). Personally Chuck, if you really loved Blair then you would called her and demanded some kind of explanation, or gone to Dan and be like; look broham, you can’t go doing this cause then our girl will end up in the poor house. Instead you sleep with another woman, classy.

Dan chases after Blair now, since he has found out about the prenup. He tells Blair he knows this kiss is different from last year because she kissed him back, he felt it. (Who else was dying about the fact that he remembered how the kiss was from last year? Because seriously, what guy or girl really remembers how you kissed them a year ago? Gah! So many emotions!) Blair tells him it does not matter how she feels about him, and he interjects that he knows about the prenup. He asks her if this is why she went with Louis. Blair says it is only for a year (Who else wanted him to say: I will wait for you, I would what for you forever) and then slips into the car to be escorted by her minder to the next function that she has to go to.

Charlie (Ivy) has gone back to the Hamptons and finds out that “she” does not have that much longer from an in house nurse. We are going to assume that the “she” is Cece. Since I’m trying to keep this spoiler and spec free I will say nothing else about this little weirdly inserted scene. Only that the real Charlie has friended her alter ego on Facebook. Duh duh dun!!!

And that is pretty much how our episode ends. Blair is off to make her first royal appearance with her minder. Chuck is in bed with another woman. Nate and Serena both still can’t get (laid) a date. Dan finally admitted that he loves Blair to Blair, but knows she can’t be with anyone cause her family would end up bankrupt. While there were moments of this episode I loved I still have to give it a B+ because well there was so much contrived story telling going on. However, I am giving it a plus because it is Gossip Girl and I really don’t expect much from the Gossip Girl writers.

Episode Rating: B+ (scaled cause it’s GG and I don’t expect much from the writers)
Dair Rating: A++++++ (cause it was Valentine’s Day and they kissed!!!!!!)

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